The Mom/Wife Life

Proverbs 31:25-30

Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.”

I never realized how thankless a job it can be to be a mom/wife until I became one.  Funny how that works.  It's just like thinking I'd be the most amazing mom who would never (fill in the blank) until I became one.

Yesterday I had planned to go home after work just to change and then meet up with my husband and kids at their football practice.  Once I hit I-10, those plans changed as my drive time was almost 2 hours to get home.  So I just headed straight to the football field.  Practice started at 6; it was already 6:10 and I still had another 10 minutes before I got there when I got a text from my husband asking me to bring bug spray.  If you know anything about Houston, you know we have mosquitoes that could probably carry off one of my husband's football players if they really wanted to.  We had rain coming in, and anyways the mosquitoes have been insane ever since all the flooding Harvey brought.  So I run in to Kroger and grab a couple of bottles of bug spray and continue on to practice.  I have never seen a group of coaches and kiddos so happy to see bug spray. 

After practice my family stops to eat some dinner, and it's this time I remember that my son has a couple of tests tomorrow for which he needs to study.  Anyway, long story short, we go home, boys bathe, we study, I get the boys in bed.  I'd love to go to bed then, also, but I have laundry that needs doing.  Dogs need feeding.  The list goes on.  As I am switching over the laundry, I just wonder to myself if my boys will ever realize all that I do for them.  They don't realize I stay up late cleaning up after them, washing their clothes and folding them, making their lunches and laying out their clothes, ironing if needed.  They don't know I make sure every day that they have a clean pair of football pants and jersey.  Or that I spray the heck out of their cleats because they smell so God awful that I thought I'd die.  They don't know that I go through their bags at night to make sure I've signed everything I'm supposed to so they don't get in trouble with their teachers.  I know they don't appreciate that I have everything ready for them, in a pile for each boy, so that we can just wake up, eat, and get going. 

And I got a little down about this.  It's hard to work so hard long after everyone else is asleep, and not ever hear a, "Thank you."  So as I dumped the clean clothes on the bed containing my sleeping husband and began to fold, I just wondered if I will ever be appreciated.  Will my husband ever look at all the mundane, every day tasks I complete and think to himself, "She's amazing."?  Will my kids ever think, "Man!  I never realized how much mom did for me every day!"  Will they think I was good at what I did and that I was a valuable member of our family?

I believe so.  It may not be for many years.  Maybe not until they are having to juggle their full time job with family and all that comes with it.  But I do believe that one day my boys will think of me and smile knowing that Mama did everything she could to give them a good life. 

And though my husband doesn't say it often, I know that what I do helps make his life better.  And that gives me satisfaction.

So sweet friends, in those moments late at night when you are doubting all that you are doing, or when you are feeling completely defeated, overlooked, unappreciated, don't forget that your Heavenly Father created you for a specific purpose.  He sees all that you are doing and will not let it be for nothing.  There is NOTHING greater that you can be invested your time and energy in to than your family.  They will ALWAYS be worth it.

The Physical Self

Throughout my life, I always struggled with my self image, as many girls do.  I "matured" at a very young age and began getting curves before most girls my age.  Many boys mistook this as me being fat; I was far from it, but I did have thigh and hips and all the womanly curves at a young age.  I had been in cheerleading since I was 6, so I was athletic and had an athletic build.  But being called fat at 9 years old was damaging, more so than I realized even then.



As a teen, I developed an interest in sports, specifically volleyball and tumbling, and I was in competitive cheer.  Furthermore, I ran.  I ran a lot.  I worked hard on staying fit, but would still look at my tiny friends around me and my size 3/5 body envied their 00 body.  I didn't even know you could BE a double zero!  So even though I was only around 120 pounds, I would still look at people like Brittney Spears (yes I know) and wish I was shaped more like her.

I tried out for my high school's cheer squad my freshman year and didn't make it.  I was devastated and gave up on this dream.  It was at this time that I made up my mind to graduate high school a year early.  I would have to cram my classes in to the remaining 2 years I would have, and I was also working a part time job.  Needless to say, I gained about 10-15 pounds by the time I graduated high school.  I was still only 135 which wasn't bad for my 5'2" frame even though some scales said my BMI was high. 

College came and along with it, some of the absolutely most stressful times of my life.  My weight climbed.  My confidence plummeted.  I had someone I cared about walk out on me, and I just knew it was because I was no longer attractive.  This was hard for a 19 year old girl.  I began seeking approval from people I had no business seeking it from.  I lost who I was as everything I had ever known was changing, including myself. 

My last year in college I met my now husband.  He was working full time to put himself through school.  He was funny, outgoing, handsome, and spoke Spanish (I love this about him).  He made me feel beautiful again for the first time in many years.  He constantly told me how pretty I was and would leave me sweet little notes on my car at work.  My confidence started to come back.  He was slowly helping build me back up to the person I used to be.  I also began going back to church which helped me to remember my true identity.  I had forgotten that I was carefully made, that God looks at me and sees nothing but beauty. 

Fast forward to my first kid.  My weight was out of control again, eating for "two".  My thyroid was not functioning properly, and even when I began trying, I couldn't get the weight off.  After my second child, I got serious with clean eating and working out.  I lost 45 pounds and was beginning to feel good about myself again.  But life struck again.  I went through touch times personally and professionally and have now gained almost all of the weight back.  I'm no longer comfortable in my own skin.  I don't eat well or exercise regularly.  My days consist of waking up at 5:30 to get the day started, and ending them past 10-11 most nights due to football practice for my boys. 


I'm struggling right now to remember that I am beautiful on the inside, because what I see, and what everyone else sees on the outside isn't matching up.  I'm feeling like I've let myself down by working so hard and then letting it all go.  I worry that my husband is struggling to stay attracted to me.  I know men are very visual beings and I feel like I'm letting him down in this area.  I want him to be proud of me and think I'm beautiful.  I want the compliments to come often from him without me having to fish for them.  I'm self conscious.  I'm uncomfortable when I sit down.  I'm uncomfortable when I stand up.  For goodness sake, I'm even uncomfortable in jeans now.  I love dresses but definitely am not comfortable in those either...So I'm not in a good place right now...

When I look at this issue from a biblical standpoint, The Bible refers to our body as the "temple" and tells us that we should glorify God in our body.  So, is it a sin to be overweight?  I think so, not necessarily because of the weight but because of the fact that gluttony is what tends to cause being over weight, at least in my case it is.  Why is this a sin?  I believe that it's because when I am overeating, it's because of something deeper going on inside.  My outward self is a reflection of what is going on inside.  When I have been in shape, it's because I'm usually in a good place mentally.  When things are not going well in my life, I turn to the comfort of food.  I didn't used to be this way and I'm not sure why I am now.  Maybe it's because my support system is no longer what it was or because my trust in people is all but gone.  Either way, it's not healthy, and I know that.

So I'm making some changes.  First, I'm going to change my mind frame to remember that regardless of what anyone feels about me, I am a beautiful person.  Second, I'm going to get back into reading the Word more and confiding in God the way I need.  Third, I'm going to begin taking the time to care about what I am putting in my body and making sure that I am eating to fulfill my hunger, not just to snack and definitely not to get full.  Third, I am going to exercise.  Yes to lose weight and tone up, but more so for the energy and to feel better.

Will you pray for me in this journey?  I feel like I'm running out of time to get this under control, and to be honest, my will power is low.  To those going down this same road, I'm here for you! 


1 Corinthians 6:19-20
Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.

Time

I don't know why certain thoughts come to me the way they do, but they do, none the less.  The other day, I was just thinking about the number of hours each day that I ACTUALLY get to spend with my kids.  Up until this year, I have been the one who wakes them up, gets them dressed, takes them to school, brings them home from school, does homework with them, lugs them to baseball or football or whatever season it is.  Now that I have taken on a more demanding job that requires more time away, I'm realizing how little quality time I get with them.

I still wake them up, get them dressed, take them to school and sometimes bring one of them home from practice.  But my husband is doing much more now because my work hours are typically later than his.  I no longer pick them up from school or take them to practice.  He does.  That's taken away about an hour and a half that I used to have with them. 

When I calculated, I think I am getting about 2-3 hours a day with my kids.  This doesn't count the hours they are at home, asleep.

This kind of breaks my heart.  It just made me realize that they are born, and before you know it, they're grown and gone.  And you get so LITTLE time with them between...

I don't regret my decision to be a working mom.  I don't regret my decision to have my boy in competitive sports that take up over 2 hours a day of their schedules also.  What I do regret are all the times I have had with my kids that I have not utilized to its fullest potential.  I regret yelling at the kids when they are taking too long to hurry up and shower and get in bed.  I regret telling them, "Not tonight, I'm too tired."  I regret getting frustrated when they want me to come tuck them in and give hugs and kisses because that means I have to go BACK upstairs and I just want to go soak in the tub.

I know every decision a mother makes can be criticized.  I know there are people who think I'm wrong for chosing not to stay home; that's their prerogative.  I know there are others who think stay at home moms are crazy for making that decision.  I think every situation is different and quite frankly, I don't think it matters either way what you decide.  What matters is that we have to remember that the time we are blessed with is very little.  It's gone in the blink of an eye.  I want to make it my mission to end the day with a smile on my face because it was simply a good day where I got to love on my boys a little while more.

Psalm 127:3
Children are a gift from the LORD; they are a reward from him.

Break Our Hearts

I watched a video of a big, beautiful, grey pit bull being rescued.  My heart sank when I realized she had been dumped by her owners and just left there to fend for herself.  You could tell she was very healthy, and the video showed her nuzzling in to the rescuers.  She just wanted to be loved.
I cried at this video.  Yes, I cry at a lot of things, but this really got me.  It cut me deep for a few reasons. 

First of all, I will never understand how people can be so heartless.  This is just one example of what is wrong with people.  It overflows into how people treat other people as well.  In every decision I make, I try to consider the feelings of others.  How will this affect my kids?  My husband?  My friend?  How would I feel if I was the homeless person sitting outside the Valero and everyone just kept walking by me?  I try to put myself in others' shoes, and I feel that this is what it takes for people to just care more.  I fail at times.  I make bad decisions that hurt those around me, but it kills me when I do.  I hurt when I hurt those around me...You see, I think people have gotten so wrapped up in self that they have simply turned a blind eye to the fact that their words and their actions DO affect others.  When you lie, you are damaging another person, even if you get a way with the lie.  When you cheat, you sever any trust in a relationship.  When you talk down to others, you break their spirit.  When you walk out on your family, you cause abandonment issues, distrust, and heartbreak.  When you leave a dog on the side of the road, you cause them to doubt humanity.

Secondly, this dog, once she realized the rescuers were good people not trying to hurt her, she buried her head into the chest of one of the men.  After being abandoned, she still just wanted to be loved.  She just wanted a kind touch and some reassurance that everything would be okay.  Friends, I believe deep down, that is what we all want.  This is why it hurts so much when those you love break your trust, hurt your feelings, or abandon you.  I also think this is why I love animals so much.  They don't break that relationship once it's formed; as a matter of fact, many animals will fight to defend those they love.  Their love is pure, honest, and unadulterated. 

So my prayer today is that our heart would be broken for those around us.  That we would be able to treat others with the love and respect they deserve, and that we would learn to put our selves last.  In essence, I pray we can learn to love one another the way a loyal pet loves its humans. 

 

I just cannot imagine what a beautiful place we would live in if our priority was figuring out how we can better love those around us. 


John 13:34-35
A New commandment I give you: Love one another.  As I have loved you, so also you must love one another.  By this all men will know that you are My disciplines, if you love one another.