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The Mom/Wife Life

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Proverbs 31:25-30 Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.”
I never realized how thankless a job it can be to be a mom/wife until I became one.  Funny how that works.  It's just like thinking I'd be the most amazing mom who would never (fill in the blank) until I became one.

Yesterday I had planned to go home after work just to change and then meet up with my husband and kids at their football practice.  Once I hit I-10, those plans changed as my drive time was almost 2 hours to get home.  So I just headed straight to the football field.  Practice started at 6; it was already 6:10 and I still had another 10 minutes before I got there when I got…

The Physical Self

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Throughout my life, I always struggled with my self image, as many girls do.  I "matured" at a very young age and began getting curves before most girls my age.  Many boys mistook this as me being fat; I was far from it, but I did have thigh and hips and all the womanly curves at a young age.  I had been in cheerleading since I was 6, so I was athletic and had an athletic build.  But being called fat at 9 years old was damaging, more so than I realized even then.



As a teen, I developed an interest in sports, specifically volleyball and tumbling, and I was in competitive cheer.  Furthermore, I ran.  I ran a lot.  I worked hard on staying fit, but would still look at my tiny friends around me and my size 3/5 body envied their 00 body.  I didn't even know you could BE a double zero!  So even though I was only around 120 pounds, I would still look at people like Brittney Spears (yes I know) and wish I was shaped more like her.

I tried out for my high school's cheer squad…

Time

I don't know why certain thoughts come to me the way they do, but they do, none the less.  The other day, I was just thinking about the number of hours each day that I ACTUALLY get to spend with my kids.  Up until this year, I have been the one who wakes them up, gets them dressed, takes them to school, brings them home from school, does homework with them, lugs them to baseball or football or whatever season it is.  Now that I have taken on a more demanding job that requires more time away, I'm realizing how little quality time I get with them.

I still wake them up, get them dressed, take them to school and sometimes bring one of them home from practice.  But my husband is doing much more now because my work hours are typically later than his.  I no longer pick them up from school or take them to practice.  He does.  That's taken away about an hour and a half that I used to have with them. 

When I calculated, I think I am getting about 2-3 hours a day with my kids.  This…

Break Our Hearts

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I watched a video of a big, beautiful, grey pit bull being rescued.  My heart sank when I realized she had been dumped by her owners and just left there to fend for herself.  You could tell she was very healthy, and the video showed her nuzzling in to the rescuers.  She just wanted to be loved.
I cried at this video.  Yes, I cry at a lot of things, but this really got me.  It cut me deep for a few reasons. 

First of all, I will never understand how people can be so heartless.  This is just one example of what is wrong with people.  It overflows into how people treat other people as well.  In every decision I make, I try to consider the feelings of others.  How will this affect my kids?  My husband?  My friend?  How would I feel if I was the homeless person sitting outside the Valero and everyone just kept walking by me?  I try to put myself in others' shoes, and I feel that this is what it takes for people to just care more.  I fail at times.  I make bad decisions that hurt thos…

Life Changes

I'm not sure if it's because I grew up in the military or if it's just my personality, but change isn't something scary to me.  I have always welcomed it, even longed for it at times. 

The latest major change came when I felt that I was being led to quit my job as a teacher.  I was completing my 8th year as a teacher and was simply struggling to find joy in my career choice anymore.  I could go in to detail, but that would be another blog in and of itself.  To summarize, I was tired of politics involved, of all the demands beyond teaching, and of nasty parents. 

After much discussion, my husband and I decided this was what I should do.  I had a friend who told me about a company needing teachers to work with homeschooled kids, just one day a week.  I agreed to this, but had many concerns that I just couldn't shake.  There wouldn't be any benefits, I'd basically be an independent contractor.  Very little stability etc. 

Then I had the opportunity to compl…

Broken Hearts

Being here in corpus this past week has really opened my eyes to the character of people.  It has also made me realize how much the love of a mother means.  My mom and I had many strained years as most moms do with their teenaged daughters.  But as I have held my mom and just let her cry, memories flood back to her doing the same for me, even during the rockiest of years.  My mom wasn't perfect, who is?  But she has always been the one I ran to when my heart was breaking.  Though my heart is breaking now, I'm not running to her, but to Christ for comfort.  But I am so glad that I can be a physical source of love and support for her right now.  It's the least I can do after all she's done for me.

The Struggle

As a Christian woman, I try not to be a hypocrite, but I still am one sometimes.  I talk about the need to forgive, but sometimes, I simply don't want to.  When someone wrongs me deliberately, I want to hold on to my anger because honestly, somehow deep down the anger feels good.  I know in my heart that it is silly because as I struggle to sleep, the one who wronged me is losing no sleep over my hurt.
Christ is the ultimate example of how I should act, and believe me when I say I strive to live a life like His.  But I am a mere human, and life is hard.  People are cruel and selfish.  Bad things happen that put my faith to the test.
The good thing is I have an all knowing God who never promised that if I believe in Him, life will simply be grand.  He knows my weakness and my struggles, and I believe He is walking with me hand-in-hand, helping to guide me all my days.  There is a peace In Knowing that I can confess my sins to Him and ask Him to help make me more like His son, and…